Its been a while that I wrote something here. The past month was spiritually eventful. I have grown a lot and learned a lot. Now it is time to show maturity of the growth and the fruits of the learnings. I am blessed with innumerable graces. If only I could ever understand them completely. But I know that I am loved, protected, saved, cherished and cared by my faithful and caring God.
Still sometimes I wonder what is the use of trying to live a holy life. I cannot see anyone who have different mental dispositions regarding such spiritual matters suffering or seem lacking in anything at least in the material senses that I can perceive. But am I lacking in anything? Yes, each day I find myself lacking in holiness, faithfulness and virtues. After all Catholic Church is a hospital for sinners not a hotel for saints. From this trying hard attitude of being so virtuous compels me to think that it is better if I am like anyone else who lack nothing in material sense. Yet I am not so convinced that I should follow that road. There is something in me which says , Joe , you are on the right path. And I know who is this "something" .
These days I struggle every moment of the day. My mind drifts away to the impure thoughts innumerable times. Sometimes prayers seem not working. I cannot say that it is the darkest hour of my soul. It is surely a struggle. But again I wonder on what basis I can claim that I have grown a lot and learned a lot unless I am tested and put into such struggle?
I have only one thing to do, Pray. Pray constantly. Be with the Lord. And I see it working already. I am not abandoned by God. It make me curious to search for those Bible verses, word of God, that strengthen me at these times and learn them by heart and use them as prayers. Ex 1 Corinthians 10: 13. Now it is time to use what I learned, trust in God and believe in Him.
Oh Dear Jesus who died on the cross naked for the sake of my salvation, I love you and adore you. When the temptations takes me over and when I find myself helpless, be my strength. May your precious blood that gushed out from your sacred wounds cover me and shield me against my enemies. Have mercy on me Lord and be mindful that I am weak, it is only in you and with you that I find strength to stand.